Just a vent.......

And, it may be hard to read---it's very sad and I don't expect any of you to read it or comment---but my stomach hurts from being so mad about something I just read so I'm gonna put it here and leave it.
I belong to an online community called savinglittlehearts....it was a great source of information when Lauren was first diagnosed and they do really neat little things such as card programs for little ones having surgery, etc. The good from the website outweighs the bad so I continue to read their emails, etc. About a month ago, I received an email from the woman who runs it, Karin, it was a mass email about a little boy, a year older than Lauren, that had passed away. He had the same defect as Lauren although most you do hear about passing away do have this defect. He'd had the first 2 of the 3 surgeries, but after the 2nd, like Lauren, his body rejected it, and instead of being able to work through it, he had to have a transplant. He did really well and the day before he passed, he'd had an echo and heart cath and received good news. The next morning, without warning, he just fell over. It broke my heart, and I spent the better part of the following week trying to imagine how his parents were handling it. We all know the statistics of a child with hlhs, but when they're doing so well, everything you've been told takes a back seat.
Well, just now, I received another email from Karin. Another child with hlhs just passed away this morning -- his name is Noah and he was 4 months old. I decided to read his carepage and see what defect he had and what all he had been through that had led to his passing. And, it's just the same story I've read hundreds of times, except for the end and I just don't understand it. He'd had the first of the 3 surgeries right after birth. He had a bt shunt placed (Lauren had one placed during her first surgery) when he was a couple of months old. They were preparing to have his 2nd surgery in the next month or two. His parents had taken him in 5 days ago....told his doctors that something wasn't right, he wasn't eating well, he looked swollen and blue. Supposedly, the doctors ran all kinds of tests, including chest xrays and an echo and they said his heart looked fine and that maybe it was just a virus. They sent him back home with his sats in the low 60's--no oxygen--nothing. Low 60's! Lauren's docs weren't thrilled with her mid-70's but at least she was still playing, eating, and acting fine. There's no way they would send her home with sats in the 60's. In fact, they nearly took her back to surgery to undo her 2nd procedure when her sats hit low 60's...of course they dipped into the 40-50's too, but they still weren't satisfied with 60s. I just don't understand it...if they weren't sure of their ability to care for this sick of a child, why did they not send him to another hospital? I saw pictures on their website of this baby, sure he looked sick--heart sick--but he was smiling and looked healthy otherwise. And, these parents will probably never know that he should've never been sent home. I know these babies/children have a life-threatening defect. Believe me, I know that--and I'm so not the smartest person to ask about stuff like this--but I do feel that this baby didn't have to die....not today. It has just made me so sick. If you did read this and I have a feeling most of you did cause you're such good friends to me! please say a prayer for Noah's family. He has a 6-year old brother named Josh.

An Ode to Zoloft......

Ok my title may sound humorous but the post isn't lol--not trying to make light of its use but well I'm in debt to the creators....what else can I say :)

So, Friday night I reminded my dh to go to the pharmacy the next morning and pick up one of Lauren's meds and one of mine. He replies with "your crazy medicine". Now, it didn't bother me, really, I know he was kidding; but, it has made me think about it ever since. I mean it's $20 copay per month (not that much) and it affects the way you handle things. But, I don't see myself ever getting off of it....not anytime soon anyway.
I went through Lauren's diagnosis, first surgery, and 7 weeks of being in the hospital and feeling like an emotional train wreck without it. I went through our first 2 months at home (2 of the hardest months of my life--physically & emotionally) without it. And, more importantly, her first heart cath without it. The doctor came out...said she wasn't ready for the 2nd surgery and he discovered a new defect that she couldn't live with....surgery nor a transplant would help and more than likely we only had a few months left with her. I went through all of that without any help....so-called friends---out the window and family I thought would always be there for me, weren't. The saying is true: in desperate times, you find out who your friends are.
The second test showed she could in fact live with the defect but she still wasn't ready for the 2nd surgery, so the cardiac staff decided on a transplant. It wasn't until then that I realized this wasn't a hurdle or two that we would get past and live normal, but this was going to be a life-long battle. The thought can be so overwhelming. So, in November, dh and I went to our family dr. to get a flu shot....Lauren's docs were in the process of having her listed. Our family doc asked about everything and then looked at me and said "how are you handling all this?" That's when I realized I wasn't. I cried all the time; all the time....from the time I woke up until I went to bed, and even getting up in the middle of the night from not being able to sleep. I was wasting what time I did have with Lauren. He prescribed zoloft. Now, I'm sure I would've made it through the long nights of waiting for the phone to ring, then finding out her surgeon killed himself; and I still get upset at least every other day, but nothing like I was. So, to me, if just that one little pill every night is going to keep me sane, and it's not hurting anything, then why not.
I met so many amazing people during Lauren's hospital stays. One couple that I've stayed in touch with....I met them during Lauren's first surgery; they came up to see us during Lauren's 2nd surgery. They kept telling me how different I was.....lol I guess I truly was a basket case the first time around. And, with time, you learn what you do need to worry about and what you don't. Being in the hospital is like walking across a land mine....one minute everything can be going fine and the next, your child's room is swarming with doctors.
But, we made it....and we'll keep making it....while I wish to God she didn't have anything else to ever have to go through again; I wouldn't change what she has been through. It's made her who she is and I couldn't imagine her any other way.
I still worry sometimes to the point of making myself sick....but I've learned to deal with it. When she says her legs hurt, her arms, her chest...I wonder if it's due to her heart. I have no idea what's in store for Lauren and I guess it's times like this that it kind of gets thrown back in your face (heart cath coming up) that you realize she's not ok and you just never know what you're going to hear at every appointment. She's had 5 heart caths and out of those 5---4 produced bad news. So I'm sure you understand why I'm so apprehensive about them. I'm just so ready for it to be here and gone and for her cardiologist to tell us to come back in about 6 months (hey I can wish).
Dh and I sit around (very seldom) and talk about the last 2 years....I swear it almost seems unreal, everything we've or mostly she has been through. The big pictures is you have a sick child...then there are millions of little things that go along with it. I've met some of the most brilliant people on this planet and some of the most callous. There's one doctor I need to blog about---and I might soon---I need to get him out of my head lol.....such a jerk!!!!!!
Sometimes, I feel like I talk about Lauren's situation too much and other times, not enough. I don't know, it's definitely been the major part of our last 2 years.
Well, this was longer than I intended.......I'm so glad I started blogging!!

My Ghost & Three's Company

***Angel wanted to hear my ghost story and well it's not long enough for a whole post, I'll add it here with my other ramblings for the day..........I grew up in the sticks, seriously, only one store for miles and miles in either direction. Our house was several hundred yards from other houses, but my aunt & uncle lived on the left of us and my dad's parents lived across the pond on the right of us. I was about 8-9 years old, and it had just gotten dark when my mom asked me to run next door to my aunt's to borrow something. I walked out the front door and turned to the left heading toward my aunt's...at the end of our house there was a huge tree, so when I got to it I looked to my left (being the scaredy cat I already was) to make sure there was nothing coming to get me. Imagine to my horror (I mean u never really expect anything to be there) when I looked around our house I see this old woman coming toward me. She didn't float but she didn't seem to be walking. I was completely frozen....the whole time she's coming closer and closer. She wasn't a normal looking person, she had a blue sort of glow all around her almost as if you could see through her but I couldn't. She was really really old and had a hood or scarf around her head and she was carrying something. I finally snapped out of it and ran in the house screaming.

Now to this day---I KNOW I saw this....exactly as described....a few years ago I asked my mom if she remembered it---she remembered me running in the house, terrified and saying I saw something but that's it.......I don't remember what happened after. I don't know if she was my guardian angel (I do believe in those) and something was about to happen---gonna step on a snake, etc. and she was just warning me or well I don't know...but it did happen....I haven't seen her since or had anything else like that happen. So that's my story and well it did make for a lengthy post lol.

For those of you that read my 100 things about me---I found that three's company episode and it's going to air on tvland in a couple of weeks if they keep going in the right order...can't wait! Such a sad little life......

The Strength of an Egg

I have a friend whose daughter, Jaden, was born the same day as Lauren. We met on the Littlehearts website & have become very close. Jaden was born with endocardial cushion defect which included hypoplastic left heart syndrome....both Jaden & Lauren have proved the doctors wrong so many times. Tina & I have shared our concerns & our girls' milestones for the last year and a half. She sent this to me today and I just wanted to put it somewhere that I wouldn't lose it :)


The Strength of an Egg

Parents of children with any serious condition are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albeit flattering, it isn't quite true. It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg, you ask? Yes, an egg. If you think about an egg, you will see the point I make.

An egg has a polished smooth outer appearance with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be as smooth and solid as the outside. Most children, at some point in their lifetime, are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet that same egg, tapped gently at an even slightly different angle will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed inside, will come spilling out, and the no longer perfect shell will be crushed. Then the shell looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.That is where parents of children with serious medical conditions are more like eggs than rocks.

A rock is solid all the way through. If you tried to break a rock, it would be almost impossible.
If successful, one would find that there was nothing inside but more rock. It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. These parents are not solid all the way through. They hurt, they fear, they cry, they hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered.Balancing an egg while running a household, going for doctor visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed. Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of these kids will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again.

Wrapping it up....

76--I love swimming w/my dh & kiddos :)
77--I can't wait to do Jordan's den & some other little things around the house
78--I love blueberry muffins
79--Lauren & I have played just about everything there is to play today--who can resist "mommy play with me"
80--I love children's books
81--and the bookstore--any bookstore--used, new, doesn't matter
82--We bought Jordan the Pirates of the Carribean Life game--so fun
83--we also love phase 10--the card game
84--my brother and I have a saying that's about 22-23 years old--wubm--short for love em--love you
85--I'm so tired today ugh
86--I love Friends reruns
87--I'm burnt out on so many others--cosby, roseanne, etc.
88--there's a three's company episode that I NEED to find---Jordan and I used to lay in bed when she was about 6 or 7 and watch it and laugh so hard at Jack--there was this one episode we watched--we were both crying---I haven't seen it since :(
89--I soo need to go get Lauren's picture taken
90--I
91--am
92--sick
93--of
94--doing
95--this
96--I've never broken a bone or had stiches other than surgery
97--Lauren just said "play with me one more time--last time ok?"
98--so I need to go play w/my kid
99--my new Lost puzzle is extremely hard
100-yeah 100--if you read them all that means u really really love me!!!!!

51-75

51--I love love board games esp. Monopoly --- thanks Angel :)
52--I worry entirely too much---thanks Ruthie :)
53--I love to watch Sylvia Browne on Montel--don't believe every little thing--but love to watch her!
54--I was co-editor of my school newspaper
55--Also was on the yearbook staff---several pages in it were done all by myself :)
56--I've met Alabama (the group) 3 different times & saw them in concert 8 times
57--I've also met Jeff Foxworthy--loved him--his autograph is in Jordan's time capsule
58--I love camaros
59--I hate bugs---any kind
60--I love volleyball & badminton
61--Our 4-wheeler was stolen right out of our front yard in broad daylight when Jordan was a baby
62--Lauren & I sleep on the couch---whole other post and not due to a marital problem
63--I bet you're all still in disbelief on #62--but it's true--haven't slept in my bed or should I say dh's bed in 2 years
64--I am completely addicted to diet mountain dew
65--I cook spaghetti entirely too much
66--I cry when I'm mad---also thanks to ruthie
67--I can't talk when I'm crying--I just sound like a blubbering mess
68--I love Max Lucado
69--I don't hate but have no desire whatsoever to see star wars movies, superman, batman, etc.
70--I love Kenny Chesney
71--I've also seen Hank Jr. in concert about 7 times
72--I love jigsaw puzzles
73--haven't worked a crossword puzzle since Lauren was in the hospital--guess I got burnt out on them
74--I love nintendo--esp. animal crossing & mario
75--I wish they would come out w/a new mario

Some more of the 100 Things cont.

26--Did I mention this was harder than I thought---ummmm I've written 3 children's short stories, and am now working on my big story about Lauren.
27--I hate to cook---I think it's because I can't think of anything new to cook.
28--I love flea markets/antique stores.
29--When we told Jordan we were expecting Lauren--she was so excited she laughed & cried--which made me laugh & cry---we let her tell everyone
30--Have I ever mentioned that I truly love Lost?
31--And Survivor---if I wouldn't die from missing my kids so much I'd try out in a heartbeat
32--I HATE doing the family business' taxes--but it would be an even bigger pain trying to teach anyone of them to do it
33--I love everything Disney--the store, place, movies, etc.
34--My kitchen is done in Mickey Americana
35--I love to make up new posts on invision, but I worry that I get on people's nerves ;)
36--I've been certified in medical transcription, computers, and paralegal---the only field I worked in tho was computers
37--I love the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich--hope they make a movie
38--I love watching Christmas movies
39--My fave color is red
40--100 is going to be impossible--I sleep in my contacts
41--I'm petrified of the dentist
42--My first ob/gyn--started going to him well when it was time to start going to that sorta dr., he delivered Jordan---saw him for about 10 years--he committed suicide 4 years ago
43--I made my current gyn promise me she was stable after Lauren's 1st heart surgeon killed himself last year
44--I've seen a ghost before--just once
45--I've never fainted but came close a few days after Lauren was diagnosed w/heart defects -- from pure exhaustion
46--I love The Olive Garden
47--I took piano lessons when I was about 10-12---can't play a lick now
48--My favorite movies are An Affair to Remember, Remember the Titans, & Twister
49--I used to LOVE horror movies---now I hate them
50--die hard LOTR fan

to be cont.

100 Things About Me

Well, I guess I better do this since it was my idea........let's see if I can come up with 100 :)

1--I love to clean my house---almost to the point of being obsessive ;)
2--I love storms
3--I am very optimistic
4--my whole life revolves around my 2 girls---can't imagine what it will be like when they grow up :(
5--I loved homeschooling Jordan--everything about it--buying the books, planning, etc.
6--I love to organize and be organized
7--I graduated with 35 other people--small school :) we've lost 3 :(
8--Had my first drink at 18--got drunk--and very sick
9--love road trips -- probably noticed that on pw :)
10--I'll get on a kick re: something about me and stay on it for weeks--for example--knot on my neck, bump on my lip, I could go on and on
11--this is gonna be harder than i thought--I guess I jump the gun sometimes
12--I'm not a big shopper--I'll think about a big purchase forever before I actually buy it
13--I hate buying new clothes--simply because I'm not happy w/my weight
14--I never ever dreamed I'd meet friends online--I thought people that did, were weird
15--my parents both come from a family of 3 boys & one girl---both of their moms are named helen
16--I miss my father-in-law terribly--wish Jordan had been old enough to remember him & that Lauren could've met him
17--I've been rejected by publishers about 7-8 times...but isn't that what happens to all great writers? --------j/k
18--my brother is an amazing singer/songwriter/performer---I think he missed his calling :(
19--I can tell you just about anything you want to know about the heart --something I never imagined I'd know
20--I love to scrapbook and have completed about 13 albums
21--I have no problem confronting doctors (something else I thought I'd never do)
22--I'm addicted to this laptop & well I guess it's called invision? not pw anymore lol
23--I love ebay--buying & selling
24--I do love to shop for Christmas but only online or at toys r us
25--I love planning Jordan & Lauren's birthdays

Ok there's 25---I'll finish in a bit :)

Mo' Money.........

That's what I need--ugh! I just called and got Jordan set up for dentist, eye, & hair appointments before school starts.....she's set on going :( But, I seriously need to get over it and I will---I'll just miss her. She's overdue for a cleaning; been a few years since she had her eyes checked---so that needs to be done, esp. seeing how dh & I both wear glasses/contacts....and I have horrible eyes; and she wants her hair done---drastically done! She has the most beautiful head of hair ---- but it is so hard to take care of, thick & curly. She wants it straightened and highlighted. It will look great and she always feels so much more confident when she gets her hair done. Well, I guess we all do :) Not to mention, clothes shopping---she needs everything. Being at home the last 2 years, the poor kid hasn't gotten many new clothes. So--we need an unexpected windfall---yeah, that'll happen.......

I called the school and I can't register her until the 31st. It's a completely different campus than where she went during k-3....and it's huge!

Still no heart cath date. I guess they'll call closer to the end of the month. I'm so ready for August to be over with.

Let's see....Lauren has been in a much much better mood, but I know her molars are still bothering her because she'll put her finger in her mouth and say mouth hurts....stupid teeth!
No recent leg cramps so I guess we got that one figured out.
I seriously have nothing left to talk about..........but noone is updating their blog so I thought I'd get the ball rolling.....hint :)

Oh------for one of your upcoming blog entries------tell me 100 things about you; even if I've heard it before.......I'll do one later today.

And the answer is no..........

Chicken Soup turned me down. I got the email earlier today---I honestly can't believe it; I put a LOT of effort into the proposal & I know in my heart that it's a great idea. They said it was due to scheduling & the fact that they already had similar books in the works---I knew they were working on one about families w/children w/disabilities; but heart defects are just a whole different category in my opinion; of course, before Lauren I wouldn't have thought that. I know there are some birth defects/childhood illnesses that require meds, numerous dr appt. and surgeries; but not like heart defects---the serious ones require a lifetime of surgeries, meds, and checkups. I'm not saying heart defects are worse than say autism or down syndrome but I really don't understand why they feel the need to lump it all into one category. They didn't even comment on the proposal---I almost feel like they saw the subject and didn't even bother. The statistics on heart defects are staggering so sales would not have been a problem. Ugh---stupid people!But I'm not going to give up----parents need to know things that the doctors don't tell them----like meeting milestones, dealing with so many different doctors, etc. So, I just have to find the right person interested. Thanks everyone for pulling for me--------it will happen eventually!!!!

That's queen bitch to you........

So, yesterday was weird----99% of the time I just keep my mouth shut---I just don't see the point in fighting with someone online--there's no winner--just witnesses to see how ridiculous you can be if provoked. But, this time it just struck a nerve and the only point I could see in her post was to just be mean. And, obviously, I was right because she just got meaner. But, today it's not such a big deal---it would be if it had been someone I really cared about---but then they wouldn't ever do anything so childish.
And, maybe she just caught me at a really bad time---I am having so much anxiety about Lauren's heart cath, Jordan going back to school, and just other changes around here I just don't care too much for. And, my house has felt like grand central station this last week....we had over 50 people here on the 4th (not my idea) but it did turn out ok---except for my grandma's checks were stolen out of my mom's house---that's been an ordeal in itself---she and my aunt were in my mom's bedroom going over grandma's bills, etc., they had the checks with the bills. They came over to our house to eat & watch fireworks...the next morning the checks were gone. She's looked everywhere and there were a few people we didn't know (friends of friends) in and out of both of our houses. So, she had to have a stop put on the checks and have new ones reissued.
So, it's just been a yucky week and I'm hoping this one is better. I need something fun to happen (oh i don't know like hearing good news from chicken soup????)----I wish!!!

A few people are bugging me...

and maybe...just maybe...this will make me feel better :)
Plus I believe I have major pms---my mom thinks so anyway, so I guess this is the safest thing to do!!
***one girl on my message board is seriously getting on my nerves, but it's not just in the last couple of days so I figure she really does bug me...I honestly believe she's itching to start trouble...I wish she didn't post so much on this new board...blah!
***and another one I think I'm gonna completely as Phoebe says--"cut out" seriously I don't think she'd notice. At first it bothered me, but seriously this is a message board on the internet---why in the world should I care---but it actually dawned on me today--that I don't so much like her either.
***then B. pleeeeeeeze slow down!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is bugging the holy hell out of me that I can't really say what I think....I'd honestly die before I ever hurt you, but something is just not right. I have such a bad feeling, and I think it's the age difference, but also I miss J...........just wouldn't ever tell her that.....
***my grandma---I know she's sick but she's also meaner than a snake---she's never gonna change---I wish my mom would just cut her out :)

That's it for now---I know it doesn't make much sense but I feel a little better :)

Jordan's Hollywood Hideaway

Well, it's quite a bit smaller than I had hoped but maybe u get the idea----Jordan's den is pretty big w/one whole wall of cabinets/entertainment center build-in----I want a hardwood floor and a red carpet runner.......stuff on her walls----the hollywood street signs, film reels, and these are the movie posters we've already bought---plus she wants twister and remember the titans. Stuff to put around the room on her desk, shelves, etc ---is film strip picture frames, popcorn boxes to hide little stuff, and we're getting her & Lauren a star made like the walk of fame and they sell fake oscars :) We're going to build seating against 2 of her walls w/red cushions on top and red throw pillows......I can't wait to get started!!!

Just like my blog title---this is just some random blogging :)

Everything is going really well around here. My mom took my 2 girls to her house last night for a couple of hours---dh and I got in some much needed quality time....we hung out in the pool and I drank a B&J daiquiri cooler---seriously the first time I've drank in forever---and talked & talked----I really enjoyed it!
Lauren's room has me a little overwhelmed---I've taken on quite the project of painting a Franklin mural on one of her walls---I've got it 85% drawn---I just hope it turns out like it is in my head! I think she'll love it. We finally have ideas for Jordan's den---I'll post a separate post for it and show you our ideas---I can't wait to start it.
My grandma seems to be doing good at the nursing home--Mom went and saw her yesterday for the first time---grandma treated her really good----I am happy about that! She still thinks she's going to get to come home soon, but everyone is just going to let her think that. It isn't impossible if the new meds they've put her on get her straightened out.
So, my brother is getting married again------she is so nice and a fantastic mom. Madison and Karli (my 2 neices) are crazy about her. I've got to admit that I miss Jill--his ex--for 10 years she and I either saw each other or talked on the phone every single day. I haven't seen or talked to her in over 6 months---I just can't believe how she changed so quickly. It's almost like she died...I just never dreamed she'd do the stuff she's done.
My mom has got her hopes up so high for something and I hope it happens for her---she and her 3 brothers & half-sister filed a lawsuit against the VA (veteran's hospital) for the lack of treatment and ultimate demise of my grandpa. I am one of those people that does not believe in "lawsuit happy" people against the medical field, but in this case they are horribly in the wrong. They sent my grandpa home having a massive heart attack and told him he had heartburn. Then when my mom took him back, he laid there and had another one---they didn't do ANYTHING for him---finally got him moved to another hospital---they immediately took him to surgery but he just never recovered. He was such a good-hearted person---he died 4 days after I had Lauren. Anyway, they've contacted my mom's brother and supposedly they've won the suit and are being given a large sum of money to split between the kids---I hope it does happen---my Mom needs a break!
Hmmm what else---oh---Jordan wants to go back to school this fall---I sooooo don't want her to...it's so different than when I was in school....I'm not telling her she can't go; I'm encouraging her the best I can....but i still wish she'd change her mind. People just sometimes act so differently about kids that are homeschooled---I had no idea---but are circumstances were quite different---and it really did work for us---Jordan & Lauren have for the most part been extremely healthy the last 2 years---usually Jordan would have been on antibiotics 3-4 times each year. I'll miss her :( But, she still won't let me call the school and have her re-admitted yet, so she's not 100% sure she's going back. I really just love having her home, teaching her, making plans w/o having to go around a schedule, not to mention how much time Lauren was in the hospital last year--we just never know when she'll need something else done. Don't get me wrong---Jordan still needs to have a life too, but I'm just being selfish :)
I think that's it for now!

Little Bit of Everything

Let's see.....been a while since I posted. I've accomplished everything I had on my to-do list in the last month, so yay me! Sent off my book proposal--now it's in their hands. I probably won't hear anything until at least August. I had my yard sale last weekend--it went pretty good--got rid of quite a bit of stuff that was either not being played with or not being worn. Seen a few old acquaintances that I only see when I have yard sales lol. Then I listed my stuff on ebay--didn't do just great, but then again I had to start all over w/a new name and sometimes people are skeptical of buying from a newbie. We've officially started our Reynolds' swimming season! Lauren just loves the water, but I worry so much about overexposing her to the sun/heat. She seems fine, but still....guess worrying about her is nothing new. Jordan and I both blistered today. Right now it doesn't hurt, but I imagine it will by tomorrow.

If you haven't read about Susan Polk yet on courttv.com you are missing out lol....she now says she's psychic and that her husband was a spy. This story just gets more and more bizarre! You read it here first---this WILL be a Lifetime movie or at least a movie of the week. No doubt about it! I don't know what got me interested in crimelibrary.com but I check it at least once every other day. It is so disturbing to know that there are so many people just out right missing! Could you imagine someone you love (I'm not even talking about our kids--not going there!) just up and disappearing? I just can't even fathom the thought. Of course, the worst part is that they're usually, eventually, found, but no longer living. Sick, sick world we live in.

Well, I know I had a lot more to say but now I'm blank! So, guess that's it for now!

Wonderful Day!!!

Today, my mom and I took Lauren for her cardio appt. I can't believe how good she was! She still cried some, but nothing like her normal! Dr. Moss just couldn't believe how good she's doing! I was so thrilled when she said we'd hold off on the cath until August. Right now, Lauren just doesn't seem to need any adjustments to her stent or coarc repair. Maybe by August she will and we'll really be glad we waited!
For those of you who knew---I've completed my proposal and it's sealed and ready to be mailed!!!! Now it's up to them! For those that didn't know lol--I'm submitting a book title proposal to the Chicken Soup for the Soul production team. It was really quite a process; I also had to include three stories. I think they turned out pretty good. My title proposal is for chd families. I soooo hope it is accepted!!!! Even if they just agree to do the title and I don't have anything to do with it, I'll be happy; of course, I'd really be happy if I get to co-author the book. There's not a lot of money involved, but that's not my reason for doing it. I've really put myself out there by telling several people (mostly pw gals :) but at least I tried!
Monica has got me riled up to get my house more organized :) Really, I do this about 4-5 x a year; this time I'm getting ready for a garage sale and I want to sell some stuff on e-bay.
Cindy had this great suggestion for motivation -- it's called COW (concepts on a wall) -- basically you just use sticky notes and write ideas and put them on a wall (or in my case poster board)--then go back and organize it. It really makes things so much easier to tackle when you see the steps you need to accomplish. By doing this I've accomplished the following in just 3 days: cleaned out 4 rooms so far for yard sale/ebay; finished my proposal; signed up to sale on ebay and got a paypal account; and of course, still cooked and cleaned and played w/the kiddos :) It really works!!!

Stolen From Angel........

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Ugh...........
2. When is the next time you will go on a date? No idea.......
.3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR". poor
4. Favorite planet? Have to go w/Earth
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile? probably dh
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? just the normal ring
7. What shirt are you wearing? yellow t-shirt
8. Do you "label" yourself? like Angel said "wtf does that mean?"
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing? None on, otherwise would be Nikes
10. Bright or Dark Room? bright
11. What do you think about the last person who took this? She's awesome :)
12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on? when in the hell would I be alone in a room w/2 beds?????
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching Remember the Titans, trying to fall asleep
14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say? dunno
15. Where is your letter box? again, like Angel said "Is that my mail box? It's in front of my house"
16. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot? Quit it! Stop!
17.Who told you he/she loved you last? Davo
18. Last furry thing you touched? stuffed animals
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? zero
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? zero
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 30 was a good age
22.Your worst enemy? few people I don't care for but no real enemies
23. What is your current desktop picture? Pooh
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Lauren, what do you want to watch?
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? A million bucks
26. Do you like someone? Yes
27. The last song you listened to? Aerosmith-Jaded-Jordan had the radio on out back shooting hoops
28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet? Yep!
29. If you could punch 1 person in the face who's in your life right now, who would it be? Dr. F at ACH--would enjoy it too much :)
30. What is the closest object to your left foot right now? couch pillow

Lost.......

Lost is completely blowing my mind! I cannot remember a show ever keeping me hooked like this one has! Absolutely love it! I seriously could not pick my jaw off the floor after Michael shot Ana. I had a feeling he would come back bad, but I was still shocked! So, there's only 2 things that can be happening with Michael 1--he has been brainwashed/drugged or 2--following orders to get Walt back. The others obviously wanted Ana dead because she killed Goodwin. Libby happened to be at the wrong place/wrong time. I just wish they'd communicate more---Kate should've spoke up when Michael said they were dirty/worse off than the Losties....she's seen the costumes/makeup. And, just when Jack & Locke were seeming to start getting along---Locke tells him too little too late about Henry trying to kill Ana :( Now, Jack will certainly be pissed at Locke again! Jack is my absolute favorite! Love Sawyer, Kate, Locke, and Sayid, but Jack is probably 70% of why I watch the show!

The Coolest Thing Happened Last Night

Little background: Michael Ruhlman wrote a book called Walk on Water a few years ago about the life of a pediatric heart surgeon. He followed Dr. Roger Mee-the head pediatric heart surgeon-around the Cleveland Clinic for a year and a half gathering info for his book.
Forward to last year---I'm surfing the net, trying to find books on congenital heart defects -- unfortunately, there aren't very many -- and I come across this book--so I order it. During Lauren's hospital stay last summer, I read it. Now, I knew that Lauren's first heart surgeon, Dr. Drummond-Webb, once worked at the Cleveland Clinic with Dr. Mee, but I didn't know when. He was all through the book---so it kept me very interested to read more about him---I was also interested in the surgeon's perspective of heart surgery. While at Lauren's bedside one day, Dr. Ula (her anesthesiologist) came in. I had the book with me. He told me that he was also at the Cleveland Clinic during the time the writer was there. I didn't know that he and Dr. Imamura (Lauren's 2nd heart surgeon) both came to Arkansas Children's with Dr. Drummond-Webb.
Some of you may remember that Dr. Drummond-Webb committed suicide December 26, 2004. So, this book means a lot to me for many different reasons---one is---Lauren will have something for when she's older to tell her more about her first heart surgeon.
So, about a week ago---I sent him an e-mail and here's what it said:

Mr. Ruhlman I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the time and effort it took to write Walk on Water. During the time your book was released, I would've never imagined I would ever need to read a book like this. However, we were put into this whole new world two years ago, and after my daughter's diagnosis, I went in search of as many books as I could find about heart defects. Your book stood out to me because I was interested in the surgeon's perspective. Unfortunately, there aren't many books about chd's...something that I hope changes soon. Your book is something we will keep forever. Dr. Drummond-Webb performed my daughter's first open-heart surgery. We loved him very much, and his death hit us very hard. We're glad our daughter, Lauren, will have something to tell her a little more about the kind of person he was. Lauren was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome at 8 days old. She'd been home with us for 5 days before fallilng ill. It's been quite the roller-coaster ride, of course, she's absolutely worth it! Dr. Imamura (you may have met him also) performed Lauren's 2nd surgery last May. She'd spent months on the transplant list before her heart function was good enough for the 2nd stage. It was a long and hard recovery. I was reading your book at her bedside one day, when Dr. Ula (anesthesia) walked in and told me he was at Cleveland while you were there. Anyway, we have a couple of people in common! I'm not one of those moms that says just fix her.....I want her fixed and I try to understand as much as possible everything that is going on with her. Your book helped me a lot and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it! Jeannie Reynolds

And, last night---He REPLIED!!!! I just thought it was so cool!!!!!

Jeannie,Thanks so much for writing. It's good to know my book helps. I've been close to people going through what your'e going through and i can't completely imagine it. Jonathan was a good surgeon and you were lucky to have him. I hope Lauren continues to improve and moves on well to that third stage. She's very lucky to have you.All best wishes and thanks again,Michael

Just wanted to share lol---not much excitement around here!! And, it's a good thing he has editors lol!

Another thing.......

Regarding my previous post: I'm in no way advocating their innocence.....I have no idea. I do strongly believe the case was handled horribly.